Introduction to Dining Etiquette

‘Man, it has been said, is a dining animal. Creatures of the inferior races eat and drink; man only dines.’

Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management

From family suppers to formal dinners, eating together is often an important social occasion. Food and drink, however, provide many opportunities for things to go wrong and it can be very unpleasant to sit next to a messy or loud eater. Because of this, etiquette is especially important when at the dining table.

Modern Western table manners arose during the Renaissance, when the concept of personal betterment and refinement was popular. In 1533 Catherine de’ Medici left Florence (the cultural centre of the Renaissance) to marry Henry II, the future king of France. Both were fourteen-years-old at the time. Catherine de’ Medici did much to Italianise French dining habits and is credited for introducing modern table manners to the rest of Europe, which was still feasting in a Medieval fashion. The use of forks was slow to catch on, and it was only by the eighteenth century that etiquette guides required the use of forks. Our dining etiquette originates from that period.

Basic Table Manners

‘The best table manners are always those that no one notices.’

Debrett’s

The basics of table manners are the rules we were taught as children. They may seem like common sense, but are important to remember. Wash your hands and be clean before coming to the table. Wait until everyone has been served before beginning to eat. Chew with your mouth closed, finish your mouthful before talking, and never stuff your face with more than you can elegantly manage. Don’t burp, slurp, chew loudly, or make other unseemly noises. Avoid making scraping or clattering noises with cutlery. Don’t pick your teeth at the table or spit out food. Keep your elbows off the table, sit with a good posture, and show interest in the conversation. Don’t use your phone at the table or even have it visible at the table. Listen politely and wait your turn instead of interrupting conversation. If you want something from the other side of the table, ask someone to please pass it to you rather than reaching across them. Try to match your eating speed to those around you, so they are not waiting for you to finish nor you waiting for them at the end. It is a matter of being respectful so that the focus is on enjoying the food and conversation, rather than being distracted by someone’s atrocious table manners.

Continental Style Dining

There are two styles of using cutlery: the continental style and the American style. The continental style is used throughout continental Europe as well as in Britain. The American style, as evident from its name, is unique to America. The difference between the two styles is in their usage of the knife and fork.

The knife should be held in the right hand while the fork is used in the left hand. The handles of the knife and fork should be held inside the palms of each hand, with the index fingers pointing straight down the backs of each. The knife should never be held like a pen. The right index finger should reach to where the knife handle joins the blade, while the left index finger should reach to just before the bridge of the fork with the fork tines turned downwards. The remaining fingers should be wrapped around each piece of cutlery to hold it securely. Your elbows should be held close to your sides, and your wrists should be held low above the plate.

In the continental style, the fork is used to hold a piece of food in place whilst the knife cuts a single mouthful. Only a single mouthful should be cut at a time – you’re not a little child anymore who needs all their food cut up for them beforehand. The fork is then used, still in the left hand, to transfer that piece of food to the mouth. The knife remains in the right hand, held low above the plate until it is needed to cut the next mouthful.

The fork tines can be used to stab a piece of food, and the knife can be used to help pile softer foods on the back (the convex side) of the fork. When eating continental style, the concave side of the fork should never be used to shovel food. Apparently piling food on the back of the fork is a very British thing to do, and different types of food can be combined in a single mouthful as long as it’s of a manageable size.

American Style Dining

American style dining is also known as the ‘zig-zag’ or the ‘cut-and-switch’ method. To begin with, the knife and fork are held in the same way as in the continental style. However, once a mouthful of food has been cut, the knife is then laid to rest diagonally across the top of the plate. The fork is transferred from the left to the right hand and is held like a pen with the concave side facing upwards. The left hand is placed to rest neatly in your own lap until it’s needed again. The fork (now in the right hand) is used to stab a piece of food and transfer it to your mouth. The fork is then moved back into the left hand again and the knife taken up in the right hand to repeat the process.

There are various theories as to why Americans have their own style of dining instead of using the continental style. The continental style is used throughout Europe as well as in much of the rest of the world for international business. The most popular story appears to be that the American style of dining was once the norm in France. Americans chose to adopt the French way of dining since they considered France to be the height of civility. However, by the 1850s the French switched to the continental style. They considered it more efficient, even though it initially required more practice for right-handed people to become fully coordinated. The Americans, meanwhile, continued using their cutlery the way they had before.

Other Western Cultural Differences

Besides the most obvious difference in the use of cutlery, there are a number of other differences between the dining etiquettes of Western countries. In America, your spare hand should be kept neatly in your lap under the table. In Britain, you shouldn’t put your cutlery down during a course unless you are reaching for your drink or napkin, but between courses your hands should be kept in your lap beneath the table. By comparison, in France this would be considered incredibly rude. When dining in France, your hands should be visible above the table at all times. Historically this was to prove you weren’t hiding a weapon. Nowadays it shows that you’re not misbehaving beneath the table, and also gives ladies a chance to show off their fine rings. This rule is also true for much of the rest of continental Europe, including Spain, Italy, Germany, and Sweden.

In Germany it is polite to avoid using your knife to cut, instead slicing food with the side of your fork if possible. This is a compliment to the host or hostess since to cut with your knife would suggest that the food was undercooked. Another cultural etiquette difference is the position that your knife and fork are left in when you have finished eating. In Britain they should be left in a 6:30 position (imagining your knife and fork as the handles on a clock) to signal that you have finished, whereas in America they should be left in a 4:20 position. Again, this varies from country to country in continental Europe.

Learn More

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