Friendship Podcasts (Part One)

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts. In a way, I feel like it’s a modern twist on the age-old oral tradition of women and men sharing words of wisdom. Of course, deep in-person discussions with the people we know are important, but realistically those aren’t always feasible in our present situations. Besides, in this new digital world, podcasts give us access to the opinions, thoughts, and wisdom of a much wider range of people from around the globe, who may have different perspectives. I like that podcasts allow me to listen whilst doing something else as well, such as chores around the house that would otherwise be boring. In particular, I’ve been listening to podcasts discussing friendships and community relationships. I want to record some key quotations and words of wisdom here so I’m able to look back at them. I hope you might take something from what I share as well. I’ve included the episode title and podcast name for each quotation below.

190. Belonging with Yassmin Abdel-Magied and special guest Mariam Khan – The Guilty Feminist

‘Anyone who’s been from a small village or any sort of community where everyone knows everybody’s business, all you want is your own agency, all you want is for nobody to know your business. But then if you’re part of a society, like we are here in the UK, where everyone is individualised and atomised, all you want to do is be part of a club or a community.’
Yassmin Abdel-Magied

This Cultural Moment Live in Melbourne, Australia Pt.2 – This Cultural Moment

‘So three places we can be: the traditional [local communities], hyper-mobile [long-distance travel], and the digital [through technology]. We live in all three. You go between all three. And you look at that, that’s the challenge before us… So there’s this sense that we don’t know how to live in those three spaces. But what I realised is I think what God is doing – and we’ve just seen it through the grace of the Holy Spirit – a sense of one other space [spiritual, through the ‘communion of saints’]. And it’s the other space that God uses to germinate seeds, to spread those seeds.’
Mark Sayers

How to Navigate Friendships as an Adult with Demi Busch – Coffee & Kettlebells

‘I think that ultimately a tribe is a group of women or men surrounding you that just uplift you, encourage you, and then challenge you to be your best self because if we’re not being our best self then we can’t really pour into the world around. I think that it’s having people in your corner that are going to know the real you and help you and invest in you.’
Demi Busch

Don’t Have Any Friends? – The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast

‘There’s a third kind of friendship that Aristotle talked about. He called it virtuous friendship. It’s when the friendship is centred around the good. Now obviously it’s going to be pleasant and obviously sometimes it’s going to be useful, but that friendship is based around the pursuit of something that is not flimsy and that’s something that is not fleeting. It’s pursuit around pursuing “the good”. That’s when you find someone that’s racing… and you say “oh my gosh, that person’s going for what I’m going for,” and you get the sense that there’s a connection there in that pursuit… and you begin racing alongside of each other, helping each other along.’
Father Mike Schmitz

048: Adult friendships – Straight and Curly

‘I think that things like sport and theatre, you can’t actually hide the true you in either of those circumstances. So I think there’s a reason why those types of friendships last a long time, because your friends who you did triathlon with are the people who, you know, pulled you out of the mud when you fell over and didn’t get your best time, had a really bad day and, you know. My theatre friends are the ones that, you know, who were there for me and drank a lot of whisky when I forgot a line on stage, and I think it’s a testament to those types of friendships because people have seen us at our very, very, very worst, sucking at something we love – and that’s why those friendships are so solid and have lasted so long.’
Carly Jacobs

The Undervaluing of Femininity

‘Why do women want to dress like men when they’re fortunate enough to be women? Why lose femininity, which is one of our greatest charms?’
Tasha Tudor

When I was at school there were several girls who declared that they hated the colour pink. Even at the time, that slightly disturbed me. Not because of any preference of colour itself, but because of the underlying reason. Those girls didn’t hate pink for being pink. They had decided to hate it for what it represented: femininity. And in particular, the negative connotations they had been taught were associated with femininity. Personally I love pink, but it has no innate relation with femininity. Pink and blue have only been marketed as gendered colours since the early twentieth century. Even then, it wasn’t until the 1950s that it was commonly agreed which colour was associated with which gender. The problem has nothing to do with colour, rather it’s about a stark misunderstanding of femininity. Why is femininity so undervalued that even young girls have been taught to hate it?

Mature Femininity

Femininity has been reduced down to little more than frilly pink princess dresses and make-up. It’s true meaning has become so confused that it’s seen as infantile, weak, and therefore inferior. There’s nothing wrong with little girls enjoying girly things, but mature femininity is so much more than that. It’s something for women step into, something that holds immense value, and that deserves to be prized. There is nothing weak or infantile about a woman’s ability to be a mother; likewise, there is nothing weak or infantile about true femininity. Mature femininity is found in the harmonious balance of strong gentleness, with each quality modifying and elevating the other. I think part of the problem is that our society seems to have either forgotten or ignored this.

Strong Gentleness

All too often, understandings of femininity are reduced down to a kind of helpless, passive, damsel-in-distress gentleness. To use the example of motherhood again: gentleness is essential for nurturing the next generation, but mothers also need to be incredibly strong. Mature femininity is displayed in a woman’s ability to protect, set safe boundaries, stand up for and stand up to her children. A feminine lady knows her God-given worth and doesn’t need to prove herself. Because of this, she is able to gratefully accept help when she needs it – because we all need help sometimes – but she is wise enough not to fall into a victim mentality of waiting for a prince to save her.

Femininity & Feminism

The Feminist Movement has done many great things in addressing the historical undervaluing of women. We owe where we are today and the opportunities available to the women who came before us. However, like any movement, it’s not without its flaws. Much of the time Feminism has raised women’s value by encouraging them to become more masculine. It’s great that we now have more agency in our own lives. We have the freedom to follow our callings wherever they may lead. The problem is that traditionally masculine paths are still valued over traditionally feminine paths. The Feminist Movement has neglected to notice that, by promoting masculine behaviours in women, they are in fact upholding a patriarchal dismissal of the feminine.

Thriving in Femininity

Femininity is equally as valuable as masculinity. Both are essential for a healthy, balanced, supportive society. Some feminists have begun to recognise this, but there still needs to be a shift away from this ingrained undervaluing of femininity. Women don’t have to act like men to have worth. We all have our individual gifts and different strengths that mean we express our femininity through the lens of our own personality. Growing towards femininity does not make us all identical. Rather, it allows us each to thrive and bloom into the wonderful image of who God created us to be.

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Sarah: Mother of Nations (Part Two)

Bible Verses: Genesis 11:29-32, Genesis 12:5-13:1, Genesis 16:1-9, Genesis 17:15-21, Genesis 18:6-15, Genesis 20:1-21:12, Genesis 23:1-20, Genesis 24:36, Genesis 24:67, Genesis 25:10, Genesis 25:12, Genesis 49:29-32, Isaiah 51:1-2, Romans 4:18-20, Romans 9:8-9, Galatians 4:21-31, Hebrews 11:11-13, 1 Peter 3:1-6

Sarah is the women mentioned the most number of times in the Bible. She was also the first of the Jewish matriarchs who helped found the Israelite people. The rest of the Bible follows the stories of her descendants, eventually leading up to Jesus Christ some two thousand years later. As might be expected, there is a lot to write about Sarah. This is the second blog article on Sarah. To see part one of her life under her previous name of Sarai click here.

A New Identity

To briefly recap, in the last passage discussed (Genesis 17:15-21) God made a covenant promise with Sarah’s husband Abraham. He promised that at that time next year Sarah and Abraham would have a baby, whom they were to name Isaac. As a sign of that promise, God said that Sarai was to be renamed Sarah. God declared that He would make Sarah ‘a mother of nations’ and that ‘kings of people shall be of her’. Quite a title for a now 90-year-old woman long past childbearing age!

A Sense of Humour

In the chapter following these crazy-seeming promises, three men came to visit Abraham. Abraham, Sarah, and their servants were living in tents in the middle of nowhere, so they can’t have had many visitors! Abraham instantly recognised that the visitors were God appearing in the form of three men – in other words, angels, I suppose. He was quick to bow down to them, offer hospitality, and hurried to Sarah to tell her to make three cakes of the finest meal as quick as she could.

After the three men had eaten, they asked where Sarah was. Abraham replied that she was in the tent, and God said that when He returned that time next year Sarah would have a son. Sarah heard this from the tent door behind him. And she laughed – laughed silently, inside herself. She was 90 years old and her husband was nearly 100! She had been through menopause long ago and was far past the age of having a child! Would she really have the pleasure of having a child, when both she and her husband were so old?!

One of the things I love about Sarah is her sense of humour, but on this occasion it was rather mistimed. God asked Abraham why had Sarah laughed? Nothing was impossible for the Lord. God repeated His promise that Sarah would have a son. Even though God wasn’t speaking directly to her, hearing this made Sarah afraid. She hadn’t even laughed out loud and yet God knew even her innermost thoughts. Would God take offence at her disrespect? She tried to deny having laughed but both God and she knew the truth. God let her know that He knew, but then the three men left without acting on Sarah’s fears. Instead God would give her a real reason to laugh – one that would bring glory to God and be a blessing for all people.

Dangerous Beauty

Some time after this, Sarah and Abraham journeyed south through the land of Canaan to near Gerar. As they had done before in Egypt, they pretended that they were only brother and sister, not husband and wife, because they were scared that Abraham might be seen as a rival and killed. Sarah must have been incredibly beautiful, since she was now 90 years old! Abimelech, the king of Gerar, certainly thought Sarah was beautiful. He sent for her and took her away. Both Abraham and Sarah continued their deception. Luckily it didn’t last long.

God came to Abimelech in a dream, telling him that he was as good as dead. God told Abimelech the truth and warned him that there would be severe consequences if he didn’t return Sarah. However, God knew that Abimelech had acted under false information and so gave him a time of grace. God had preventing Abimelech from sinning by sleeping with Sarah and came to warn him in a dream so he could right the wrong. Now that Abimelech knew the truth he must return Sarah or die.

It’s interesting to note that God didn’t automatically make everything go well for Sarah. Unknown to her, God was at work in the situation, but she was still subject to the actions of other humans. God presented a decision to Abimelech and let him choose the consequences. Fortunately Abimelech chose to obey God, but life doesn’t always go like that. Sarah being held against her will by a king reminds me of how, later, her descendants the Israelite people were held captive by the pharaoh in the story of Exodus. God’s will always wins in the end, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be easy for us. Like Sarah, we just need to hold onto faith and stay true to the Lord wherever we find ourselves.

Sarah Vindicated

Abimelech got up early the next morning to report his dream to his servants and call Abraham to him. He asked why had they lied and brought the kingdom to sin, to which Abraham explained his fears and that it wasn’t an outright lie as he was Sarah’s half-brother as well as her husband – for such were the accepted customs of the Bronze Age. Abimelech gave them many gifts and told Abraham they could stay wherever they liked in his land. Sarah was returned to her husband and Abimelech told her that he had given compensation to her brother so she was publicly vindicated of any shame.

Once this had been done, Abraham prayed for Abimelech. God healed the people of Gerar so they could have children again, as He had prevented births whilst Sarah was held in Abimelech’s house. This detail is worth noting because it demonstrates God’s powers over life. It foreshadows that His promise of Sarah having a son will come true, as well as hinting at later miraculous births. These include the elderly Elizabeth giving birth to John the Baptist and ultimately the Virgin Mary giving birth to Jesus Christ.

Joyful Yet Jealous

God fulfilled His promises. Sarah had a son in her old age! He was named Isaac (meaning ‘laughter’ in Hebrew) and was circumcised as God had commanded. Sarah declared that God had made her laugh and that all who heard what He had done would laugh with her. Who would have thought it possible?! They had a feast day to celebrate when Isaac was weaned. Unfortunately, not all was happy in the family.

Hagar’s son Ishmael was now about 14 years old. He had been Abraham’s only child but now he and his mother were being cast aside in the celebrations for his new baby half-brother. It was no secret that his mother and Sarah didn’t get along. When Sarah saw Ishmael mocking Isaac, she wasn’t having it. She had waited so long and been through so much heartbreak for her promised child; she wasn’t letting anyone hurt him now! Sarah asked Abraham to cast Ishmael and Hagar out from the family. Their sons shouldn’t be heirs together, as Isaac was the one promised by God. Abraham was very distressed about this. Ishmael was still his son after all! He didn’t know what to do, but God told Abraham to listen to his wife. Isaac was to be the heir and God would look after Ishmael for Abraham’s sake. Hearing this, Abraham obeyed God and deferred to Sarah’s wishes.

A Woman With Character

Sarah, like all of us, had her good days and her bad days. She was loving towards her family, honoured her husband, and was immensely protective of her long-wished-for child. She cared a lot and was prepared to take matters into her own hands when she deemed it necessary. She was proactive and practical, yet also respected her husband a lot and voluntarily gave him the right of veto before carrying out her own plans. Her thwarted desire for a child brought out the worst in her. She could be selfish at times and jealousy made her terribly cruel and abusive, especially towards Hagar. Despite this, she was essentially good-humoured and learnt to have much more faith in God. Sarah was strong and resilient, quick to laugh and dedicated towards her family. A fitting figure, through God’s generous nature, to become the first matriarch of the Israelite people.

A Family Legacy

Sarah lived to be 127 years old and then died. Abraham had clearly loved her very much as he mourned and wept for her. He bought land and a cave from the sons of Heth to bury his dead in, and he made sure that the borders of that land were confirmed in public. This shows the respect and honour Abraham held for Sarah, as he wanted her burial site to be a permanent memorial for their descendants and wanted to make sure that the land would not be disputed or disrespected in the future. Only once he had these assurances was Sarah buried. She was buried in the cave in the field of Machpelah in Hebron (also known as Kirjath-arba), which was in the land of Canaan.

Some time after Sarah’s death, her son Isaac brought his own wife, Rebekah, into Sarah’s tent. Sarah was never able to see her son marry or meet her future daughter-in-law, but it strikes me as rather sweet that Isaac wanted to bring his wife to the place associated with his mother’s presence. It was the closest they could get to meeting in this world. Rebekah became Sarah’s successor as the second matriarch of the Israelite people, and she comforted Isaac after his mother’s death.

When Abraham later died in turn, he was buried by his sons Isaac and Ishmael in the same field that he’d bought for Sarah. (As a side note, I’m curious about the reunion of those brothers. Was it bitter? Was it peaceful? How did they come to both be there? It must be quite a story, but it’s one the Bible doesn’t tell.) Sarah and Abraham were united after death, and later generations of the family continued to be buried there. Many years later, when Sarah’s grandson Jacob died in Egypt, he asked to be buried in the same field with his ancestors and family. The woman who’d thought she would never have a child had, through God, left a family legacy and a spiritual inheritance to her descendants.

Honoured Ancestress

Sarah had lived during the twentieth century BC, in the middle of the Bronze Age. This was around the time when Stonehenge was being built in England; horses were being domesticated to pull chariots in the steppes of southern Russia and northern Kazakhstan; pharaohs ruled with absolute power in Egypt; and the last woolly mammoths became extinct in the Arctic. Sarah’s story is so human and her character so relatable that it’s easy to forget just how long ago she actually lived. Sarah had to navigate the ancient world. And yet she knew the same God who invites us to know Him today!

After many generations and over a thousand years later, Sarah’s family legacy had expanded into a whole people, who had divided into two nations. During the eighth century BC, when the prophet Isaiah was calling the Israelites be faithful to God, he told them to remember where they came from and what they were made of. Isaiah called them to look to Sarah who had bore them, not forget their history, and remain faithful to God as God had been faithful to them.

Mother of Nations

Sarah’s significance in the Judeo-Christian story can be seen by the fact that several of the New Testament letters reference her to illustrate their points. Since the New Testament was written in Greek rather than the Hebrew of the Old Testament, Sarah’s name is sometimes translated as Sara instead but it’s still referring to the same person. In the book of Romans, the writer Paul tells the early Christians to hope and have strong faith in God. We are told that His promise is true and more powerful than worldly circumstances, such as Sara being past childbearing age. Nothing can stop the will of the Lord, so we have reason to hold onto faith. Sara is a testimony of that.

The book of Romans also addresses questions that the very multicultural, diverse early Church had about their place with God. In the Old Testament God had worked through the Jewish people, calling them to be a nation of priests that represented Him to the world. In the New Testament God fulfilled His promises through coming as Jesus Christ, and through Christ people of all nations are invited to join the kingdom of God. In this context it was important to make it clear that those considered children of God were not necessarily those descended of the flesh like the Israelites, and like Ishmael had been. Rather, the children of God were those metaphorically descended from His promises, as Isaac had been and as all people who chose to follow Christ are. Sara gave life not just to the Israelite people but to all descendants of the promise. God had promised that He would come and that Sara would have a son. Initially this was her son Isaac but it also led to Jesus, who was the Son of God as well as Sarah’s 39-times-great-grandson!

New Testament Allegory

In the book of Galatians, Sarah (sometimes translated Sara) and Hagar (sometimes translated Agar) are presented as an allegory for the two covenants and ways of being with God. Agar was a ‘bondmaid’ or slave and her son was born of human flesh. Sara, on the other hand, was a ‘freewoman’ and her son was born of God’s divine promise. In Galatians the writer Paul explains that Agar represented the first covenant from Mount Sinai, which made children who were slaves to religious law, like how the present city of Jerusalem was in slavery. Sara represented a second covenant, whose children were free through the promise and grace of God, like the heavenly new Jerusalem that is mother to us all. In other words, those of the old Jewish covenant from Mount Sinai were like slaves because they had to try to reach holiness through their own works and religious law. Those of the new Christian covenant from the cross are set free because Jesus came down to take away our sin and make us holy even though we don’t deserve it.

Christians aren’t necessarily Israelite descendants of Sarah, they are children of the promise. It’s a spiritual inheritance for all people rather than being confined to the genealogy of one family. Paul explained that like how Ishmael had persecuted Isaac in the Old Testament, so were the Jewish Pharisees persecuting the early Christians in his own time. Being born of the flesh of the Israelite people didn’t necessarily mean they were born of God’s promise. For many people, the religion had become about human regulations and prideful traditions instead of about a relationship with God. Unless they truly accepted God into their hearts, they wouldn’t share in the divine inheritance. This is true today for cultural Christianity, if people are just going through the motions of human-made religious traditions. Christianity is a religion, but it should be focused on seeking a living relationship with the Lord God.

Woman of Faith

Chapter 11 in the book of Hebrews is often called the faith hall of fame. And whose name do we find there? None other than Sara’s. Through faith Sara was able to have a child even though she was barren and in old age. She had judged God as faithful to His promises and because of that nations and thousands of children came from the barren elderly woman. Sara is a shining example of faith, and her faith led to thousands of descendants who lived in faith themselves. If there’s one thing we should learn from Sarah it’s to have faith and to trust in the Lord, wherever that might lead.

Daughters of Sarah

The final New Testament passage referring to Sara is found in 1 Peter. Here Sara is presented as an example of how Christian women should behave as wives. We are encouraged to behave in a way that would be befitting of the daughters of Sara, for that is what we are. If a Christian woman is married to a non-Christian husband, she should interact towards him with a peaceful rather than an argumentative spirit. Instead of nagging him about faith, because that could drive him away, she should instead demonstrate purity and reverence in her own life. This is so non-believing husbands may be won over to Christ without words. It’s a case of show not tell. Our actions bear witness to an unbelieving world. Instead of turning Christianity into a source of nagging and irritation for her husband, a Christian wife should instead let him see the fruits of the spirit overflowing from her relationship with God. This is the most effective strategy to win appreciation for Christianity rather than cause resentment of it. Wives are to be for their husbands, and should honour and support him.

Holy Woman of Old

True beauty comes from within, and we are to cultivate inner beauty over external appearance. The holy women of old who trusted in God adorned themselves this way – with the faithful heart and peaceful spirit of inner beauty. The Bible encourages us to look to these holy women for examples, even whilst acknowledging they each had their own flaws. Sarah was the first of these holy women, and we are her daughters if we do what is right without fear.

‘And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.’
Genesis 21:6

What Are Femininity & Masculinity?

What are femininity and masculinity? I’ve been considering this question for quite some time now. I might not have the final answer, but I thought I’d share my thoughts.

Femininity and masculinity are different energies. They have associated qualities and attributes, yet are more of an intangible impression or atmosphere than a checklist of accomplishments. In a similar way to how some people give off a friendly, threatening, or fearful energy; other people exude a feminine or masculine presence. Femininity and masculinity are not about gender roles. They are more of an energy sensed in the way people choose to show up, whatever they are doing.

In our society feminine and masculine energies are often pitted against each other as opposites or as rivals. I don’t think that’s what they’re truly about. There’s a spectrum of femininity and masculinity, yet even at the far ends they’re complementary not opposite. They’re not so different as some people would have us believe. There’s more of a quality of yin and yang. Femininity and masculinity are partners working together, not enemies fighting for power.

Most women feel more at home in their femininity, and most men feel more authentic in their masculinity. These energies are not the same as gender, however in most cases they do have a natural alignment with it. Men and women are both human and more alike than they are different, yet there are clear differences too. So it is with femininity and masculinity. Femininity and masculinity each have a different emphasis and approach, rather than being of an entirely disparate core.

So what do I think femininity and masculinity individually are? Every person will express these energies through the coloured lens of their own personality as no one is identical, yet I’ve tried to boil each down to their simplest essence. Cut down to their most pithy summary, I think each can be expressed in just two words:

Femininity is strong gentleness. Masculinity is gentle strength.

I intend to further explore what each of those mean in additional blog articles, but for now I hope you find that some food for thought. Please feel free to share your ideas in the comments box below, as I’d be interested to hear your take on it. Have a wonderful day!

German Style Secrets

Germany isn’t known for being a centre of fashion in the way that France and Italy are, yet it still has its own distinct style. I find it interesting to use style as a lens through which to look at a culture. What is sought for in beauty reveals something about the underlying values shaping that culture. A generalisation, maybe, but starting with stereotypes can lead to more subtlety later.

Previously a collection of many small kingdoms and dukedoms, Germany wasn’t united as a single country until 1871. Later divided again in the aftermath of the Second World War, it was once more reunified with the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. It was a decade later around the year 2000 that Berlin began to establish itself in the international fashion scene, and the Berlin Fashion Week was first held in 2007. Germany’s history had caused many setbacks to its fashion development. For example, when the Nazis had been in power they had destroyed many clothing stores because most of those had been run by Jewish people. This had long-term implications for German fashion, which its industry is still trying to recover from.

Nowadays German style is relaxed and casual, yet also well put together. They have plain good style, and tend to be practical with no fuss to get things done efficiently. German style puts an emphasis on being honest, minimalist, authentic, and natural.

‘Berlin’s entire creative fashion industry, once so heavily Jewish-dominated, was destroyed. The effects of that destruction remain to this day, more than 70 years later. In trying to resume its place at the pinnacle of the fashion world, Berlin design companies are now struggling to find new talent.’
Dina Gold

German women tend to wear more natural, earthy, sober colours. Colours such as brown, khaki, black, and grey are popular. They usually don’t strive to stand out. The Germans are egalitarian and strongly value their privacy, so they tend to be more reserved than other cultures. When they do use other colours, they prefer softer natural shades rather than very bright ones.

German style focuses on functional quality with plain good style and elegant lines. Their outfits are well-put-together and organised, yet very relaxed and casual. German style is practical, comfortable, and simple, with attention paid to being thrifty and sustainable. High-waisted jeans are common as are other pragmatic pieces such as trainers.

Layers are popular in winter, combining different textures whilst keeping warm. Quality leather boots and big scarves are also widely seen.

If you want to dress like a German woman or blend in like a local whilst visiting Germany, three words to bear in mind are: practical, earthy, relaxed.

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Italian Style Secrets

Italian fashion gained influence and popularity among powerful families across Europe during the Renaissance of the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries. The Renaissance originated in Italy and marked a transition from the Middle Ages to the modern period in Europe. Italian fashion during this era took pride in being extravagant and expensive, but then declined in the seventeenth century when French fashion became more popular.

Italy was united as a single country in 1861 and the influences of culture, art, history, and fashion contributed towards the building of a united national identity. The Italian fashion scene was influenced by modern designers such as Prada in 1913, Gucci in 1921, Armani in 1975, Versace in 1978, and Dolce & Gabbana in 1985. These high status brands became popular among those who could afford them, especially celebrities, but they also influenced Italian style in general. After the Second World War, Italian style regained worldwide popularity during the 1950s and 1960s, and Milan become recognised as an international fashion capital.

For a generalised comparison, whereas French women aim to look effortlessly elegant, Italian women embrace a more dramatic glamour. The Italian style of bella figura is glamorous, subtly sensual, confident, classy, and yet slightly edgy as well.

‘What is the fatal charm of Italy? What do we find there that can be found nowhere else? I believe it is a certain permission to be human, which other places, other countries, lost long ago.’
Erica Jong

Italian women take pride in standing out and put effort into looking good. They make sure their outfits are well put together and groomed, with good quality fabrics and design. They tend to wear clothes that are well-fitting and tailored enough emphasise their curves, but without being too tight or having too much bling. Stylish Italian women stay classy yet subtly sensual by balancing their outfits to not show too much skin. Some parts of Italy can be quite traditional and it tends to be more conservative than other cultures, such as America for example.

Italian women tend to be stylish yet understated in their approach, often with just one statement piece in outfit. More subdued, darker colours (such as black) are popular in Milan and the north of Italy, whereas bolder, brighter colours (such as a bright red jacket) tend to be worn in southern Italy. A good general guide is to wear complementary colours then add a pop of a brighter colour to the outfit.

Accessories are generally popular amongst Italian women, with a pair of stylish sunglasses being a bonus. They choose smart, often coordinating, shoes and handbags to bring their outfit together. Quality leather shoes, sandals, or boots are the most common go-to choice depending on time of year. Comfort is also very important in Italian women’s choice of shoes because Italy is filled with beautiful, old, cobbled streets and they don’t want to twist an ankle!

In autumn and winter, the Italians keep warm and combine different textures with multiple layers and long scarves. Leather jackets, long elegant coats, or faux fur are also frequently seen, and Italian women tend to choose coloured trousers rather than always wearing blue jeans.

Perhaps the key to the stereotypical Italian style is its attitude of confidence. Italian women dress with drama, flair, class, exuberance, and confidence in their own bodies and femininity. They enjoy statement pieces and glamour, yet tend to be more traditional in sticking to what they know works rather than being the first to make all the creative risks.

If you want to dress like an Italian woman or blend in like a local whilst visiting Italy, three words to bear in mind are: glamorous, classy, flair.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BgdjYIhcWA

French Style Secrets

France has been renowned as a centre of fashion since the time of Louis XIV, who was known as ‘the Sun King’. During his reign in the 1670s, fashion prints began to be distributed around Europe to publicise French achievements. The extravagant styles of the French royal court contributed towards the French Revolution of 1789, after which the fashion became more simplified and inspired by Ancient Greece and Rome. France later renewed its dominance in haute couture between 1860-1960, when the first couturier houses and fashion press were set up in Paris.

During the twentieth century, French fashion was influenced by new French designers such as Coco Chanel, who in 1925 promoted a simple elegance with items such as the little black dress and Breton striped tops. After the end of the Second World War and France’s liberation from Nazi invasion, French fashion returned to prominence again with designers such as Christian Dior in 1947, Givenchy in 1952, Coco Chanel’s return to Paris in 1952, and Yves Saint Laurent who expanded mass manufacturing and marketing from 1966. Nowadays Paris is still referred to by many as ‘the world’s fashion capital’.

Today, the Parisian chic style is described as sophisticated and elegant, classy yet nonchalant, polished but ultimately effortless. It’s a beautiful style that is popular with many in France, yet I feel like there’s also a particularly American, mythologised concept of the ‘French Girl’. The stereotype’s been turned into a marketing ploy, overrun with clichéd phrases such as French women having a certain ‘je ne sais quoi‘ – a saying so overused that for some reason I find it almost grating. We need to remember that there is an element of myth or stereotype to the Parisian chic style, but that said, there is something to be learnt from looking to the customs of other cultures.

I interpreted all of this to mean that a Parisian woman does not see fashion as the ultimate expression of herself but rather as complementary to her mind, her talents, her opinions, and therefore it doesn’t need to be outlandish.
Lindsey Tramuta

The Parisian chic style is based on being elegant and well-groomed, whilst embracing your ‘imperfections’ with confidence. It is about timeless style rather than fast fashion, so looks to long-lasting classic pieces instead of fleeting trends. Many items are inter-generational because they believe that good style isn’t limited by age. Heirloom jewellery with sentimental value may be inherited from mothers or grandmothers, and French women tend to invest in quality over quantity. They may have relatively few items of clothing compared to some other cultures, but those they do have will last and are well-integrated with the rest of their wardrobe, allowing more outfit combinations.

French women usually prefer neutral colours such as navy, black, white, grey, denim blue, and beige. The overall impression is one of harmony, balance, and refined simplicity. It’s polished and well put together, with coordinating colours and well-fitting clean lines. Any bright colours or patterns will be balanced out with more neutral items in the rest of the outfit so that nothing clashes and its not too busy. Stick to just two or maybe three colours and no more than one patterned piece at a time.

Parisian chic is a classy standard for all occasions, as French women will tend to make only minor alterations instead of dressing up or down in the way that some other cultures (such as the British) do when going out in the evening. French women have a higher base standard of being well-groomed and harmoniously-dressed all the time but are then relaxed or nonchalant about it, coming across as effortless because it’s become their norm.

What makes Parisian chic style stand out is the attention paid to little details that make a subtle difference. These often give a slight twist and cool edge to an otherwise simple ensemble. This could be combining different textures in a neutral-coloured outfit, or adding a pop of bright colour such as red with accessories, or choosing items with subtle detailing that makes them a slight twist on a classic piece. Style is shown in noticing and paying attention to the details, rather than striving to stand out in some outlandish pattern or garish colour.

If you want to dress like a French woman or blend in like a local whilst visiting France, three words to bear in mind are: sophisticated, effortless, detailing.

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Hard Lessons About Friendship

Friendship is difficult. There, I’ve said it. For some reason, it’s socially acceptable to complain about the difficulties with romantic relationships and boyfriends – but not about friendships. We’re expected to have friends. To admit otherwise feels like it would be publicly branding ourselves as a loser and a ‘Larry loner’, as people used to say at school. And if we admit to having no friends, we feel like we come across as desperate and no one else would want to be our friend.

This is perhaps especially true for girls and women because growing up we get taught to romanticise the idea of being Best Friends Forever. We were supposed to gossip and share secrets at sleepovers, to declare our affection by exchanging friendship bracelets. Sometimes that works, but other times it doesn’t. And often when we do find that, it doesn’t last.

My intention in writing this is to encourage those out there who feel alone. You’re not alone. Life is hard, and all human relationships can be difficult. Society today is increasingly connected and yet disconnected. It’s now considered normal to be sitting with a group of ‘friends’ whilst they’re all staring at their phones instead of talking to the person right beside them. Even when you put in the effort to meet lots of new people and become part of a community, you can still be amongst them and feel completely invisible. What I want to say is, yes it is hard. It’s ok if it hurts sometimes. You’re ok, and you will find your tribe eventually. Hold on to faith and keep trying. Those good friends will come.

1 It Takes Time

It takes time to develop good friendships and it’s a process you’ll have to see through. Unfortunately, instant friends don’t exist and you’ll have to spend plenty of time with people before a lasting relationship will develop.

2 It Doesn’t Just Happen

Friendships take work and effort. They don’t happen automatically and just spending time with someone doesn’t guarantee friendship. It’s even possible to live with people for a significant amount of time without becoming more than acquaintances. You have to be proactive.

3 Friendships Grow From Fun

When you feel lonely, it’s natural to want to feel seen and understood. You’re like a book that wants to be read, but not everyone deserves to read you. Someone doesn’t need to know every detail about you in order to become friends. Just have fun together and vulnerability can follow later.

4 Avoid Oversharing

Be aware that oversharing will only create a false sense of closeness too early that will likely leave you disappointed. It’s important to share what you’re going through with people, but make sure that the depth of vulnerability matches the depth of the relationship.

5 Best Friends Forever?

As children we romanticised the idea of having BFFs. Friendships can and do last through different stages of life, but life is more complicated and challenging than we understood at that age. Sometimes it lets us down and sometimes people drift apart. In reality, best friends rarely last forever. Most (though not all) friends are only for a season and that’s ok.

6 Make Memories

Even if the majority of the people we encounter are only temporary, that doesn’t decrease the value of friendships and human interactions. Create and treasure memories that will carry you through different seasons of life. They are precious in their transience.

7 Learn From Everyone

You can learn something from everyone, no matter how similar or different they are to you. Some people may just be a cameo in your life but they can change the course of the rest of your life. Stay open minded. Equally, you may just be passing through someone else’s life, so make sure you leave a positive impact. You’ll never know where that could lead.

8 Sisters Before Misters?

For all the pithy sayings such as ‘sisters before misters’ and ‘mates before dates’, they don’t always carry out in real life. When someone gets in a romantic relationship it’s normal for them to disappear into the ‘boyfriend vortex’ for a honeymoon period, but they should then find balance and have time again. If someone lets a boyfriend change a friendship, even after you tell them how you feel, then there’s nothing you can do. You can still be friends but might have to find other friends as well.

9 Rejection Is Real

The harsh truth is that not everyone is looking for more friends. Sometimes they won’t care, or might be happy just as acquaintances. Allow yourself to feel disappointment at rejection but don’t take it too personally. Look for the people who are also in want of new friends.

10 Expectations Hurt

When searching for friendship, your expectations will hurt you more than other people’s actions. Have your hopes but remember that is what they are – hopes. Not everyone has the same goals or perspectives, so do good without expecting anything in return.

11 Not All Friends Are Equal

There are different types and levels of friendships, as well as different types of loneliness. All stages of friendship are worthy of being treasured, yet don’t give up in pursuit of the type of friends you need.

12 Seasons of Loneliness

Accept there may be seasons of loneliness in your life. I find it helpful to think of life as a series of seasons. Life is an organic, forever-changing process that will lead you where you are meant to be eventually, if only you hold onto faith and keep trying. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard is to ‘keep showing up’. No season lasts forever and you will find your tribe.

I know that not everyone who reads this will be Christian and I don’t mean to force my faith on anyone, but I truly believe that God loves YOU, regardless of who you are or what you’ve done, and regardless of whether you even believe in Him or not. You are God’s beloved child and He knows you completely, in all your strengths and weaknesses and humanity. He is more gentle and more kind than we can even comprehend, and wants to have a relationship with you – if only you will invite Him into your life.

I just want to offer the encouragement that God has worked through some of the most challenging, lonely seasons of my life to lead me where I believe He wants me to be. I’m not completely out the other side yet, but I’m so grateful for what He’s done so far. And I trust that my close-knit ‘tribe’ will come in time.

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Sarai: Flawed Yet Faithful (Part One)

Sarai is the woman mentioned the most number of times in the Bible. She was also the only woman to have her name changed by God, from Sarai to Sarah, which was an act with significant symbolism in the Bible. Sarai/Sarah was the first matriarch of the Jewish people, and the first woman in the ‘ancestral history’ of the Bible whom we know to have been a historical figure. Sarai lived around 2000 BC, during the middle of the Bronze Age in the Fertile Crescent of the Middle East. She was a very real women with her own faults and flaws, yet in spite of those is held up in the New Testament as an example of faith.

Sarai’s Genealogy

Sarai is first introduced as part of a genealogy that had descended from those who were at the tower of Babel. Genealogies and history were important in the Bible because they were a way to track the faithfulness of God and the fulfilment His promises over the long term. Sarai was the wife of Abram, as well as his half-sister (since that was considered acceptable at that point in history). A specific detail that is pointed out about her is that she was barren and had no children.

The Start of A Journey

Sarai initially lived in Ur of the Chaldees, a city in southern Mesopotamia that historians have associated with the worship of a moon god. She later travelled with her father Terah, her husband Abram, and her nephew Lot to Haran. The city of Haran is thought to be in the south of modern-day Turkey. Terah had originally intended to go to the land of Canaan and we don’t know why he stopped in Haran, but the family dwelt there for some time until Terah died and it was time to continue on their journey again.

After Terah had died, God called Sarai’s husband Abram. God told him to get out of that country for a land that God would show him later, promising to bless Abram and turn him into a great nation. So Sarai travelled on from Haran with her husband Abram, their nephew Lot, and all the servants they had gained. Sarai had no idea what she would face and must have been concerned about the promise that her husband would found a nation when she was unable to have children. God told them what they needed to know at that point, rather than all they wanted to know. Neither Sarai nor Abram could have understood God’s plans, but they decided to have faith and trust His promises. They travelled to the land of Canaan, which is around modern-day Israel, and then continued to journey south through Canaan. Their family had been chosen by God to bless all of humanity, for God saw potential they couldn’t even comprehend.

A Beautiful Woman

After some time there came a famine in the land of Canaan, so the family travelled further south into Egypt to avoid the famine. This perhaps also foreshadows later biblical events, such as when Joseph’s brothers travelled to Egypt during another famine. Sarai was incredibly beautiful, and because of this Abram afraid that the Egyptians would kill him in order to take her. To guard his own safety, Abram asked Sarai to say that she was his sister instead of his wife. Sarai clearly loved her husband Abram very much, because she agreed to his rather selfish plan.

When the Egyptians and their princes saw Sarai they told the Pharaoh of her beauty, and she was taken into the Pharaoh’s house. This was a dangerous situation for both Sarai and Abram, but especially so for Sarai. Not only was she a beautiful woman in a strange foreign land, but she was now held at the will of an extremely powerful man whose intentions we may guess, and her husband was too afraid of a threat on his own life to help her. If she pretended to be unmarried, the Pharaoh would take her regardless of her own wishes. If she admitted to being married, then her husband would most likely be killed and then the Pharaoh would take her anyway. All she could do was hope that God would somehow save her.

The Pharaoh thought that Abram was Sarai’s brother so, because of Sarai, treated Abram well and gave him many gifts. It was an outwardly prosperous yet secretly very tense situation. Luckily for them, God intervened. He had other plans for them. For Sarai’s sake, God sent plagues on Pharaoh and his house – which seems to foreshadow the plagues of Exodus. Discovering the truth through these plagues, Pharaoh called Abram to him. He asked why ever had Abram not told him that Sarai was his wife, and sent them both away out of Egypt with all of their belongings – including the possessions Abram had gained whilst there.

Challenging Times

Sarai travelled back into the south of Canaan with Abram, their nephew Lot, and their servants. Although her own situation seems to have been much more peaceful for some time afterwards, there were difficult situations with family that must have affected her on an emotional level at least. Her nephew Lot separated from the rest of the family, ended up living in the city of Sodom, was taken captive during a war that involved an attack on Sodom, and then her husband Abram went to war to free Lot. To top it all off, God reiterated His promise to Abram for a fourth time that Abram would have children and as many descendants as there are stars in the sky – even through Sarai was barren. While God’s promise was received as a blessing by Abram, it’s uncertain whether Sarai received it the same way. It must have been an enormous pressure to her. Perhaps she questioned whether she was just standing in Abram’s way, since it was clear she was unable to have children.

Capable of Cruelty

Sarai wasn’t a woman to just wait passively by. After ten years of having returned to Canaan from Egypt, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Sarai desperately longed for a child and God had promised her husband many descendants, but she recognised that God had stopped her from bearing children. She decided to turn to what was a common ‘solution’ in the surrounding cultures of that time and told Abram to sleep with her Egyptian handmaid Hagar. This is the first time we hear about Hagar, who was presumably gifted to her during her time in Egypt. The idea was that Hagar would bear a child on Sarai’s behalf so that Sarai could have a child through her. In the surrounding cultures of the time, a wife’s purpose was considered to be to provide heirs for her husband. If she was unable to, then it was considered her responsibility to find a second ‘wife’ for him. Sarai had clearly absorbed this expectation from those surrounding cultures and defined her worth by whether she was a mother or not.

Abram agreed to Sarai’s plan and Hagar became pregnant. On discovering this, Hagar began to feel superior about achieving what Sarai could not. She began to despise Sarai, her mistress, and no doubt Hagar rather rubbed this accomplishment in Sarai’s face, picking at Sarai’s most painful insecurities. Instead of finding joy in the child, which had been her plan after all, Sarai blamed Abram and told him that God would judge between them. Trying to stay out of it and avoid conflict, Abram told Sarai that Hagar was her servant so she could do as she liked. This led to Sarai harshly mistreating Hagar out of her jealousy, painful insecurities, anger at being looked down on, and desire to reestablish her status as Hagar’s mistress and Abram’s wife. For all her good qualities, Sarai had bad ones too. When angry and hurting she was capable of great cruelty, to the extent that Hagar ran away into the desert whilst still pregnant, although she later returned. This is the first example of woman against woman bullying in the Bible.

A Woman’s Worth

Sarai is presented to further extend the image from Eve of God’s intention for women. Eve was named the ‘mother of all the living’ before she had even had any children, and Sarai’s story further emphasises that children are not the root of women’s value or of a wife’s purpose. Because she had no child, Sarai thought she was nothing; whereas when Hagar had a child, Hagar thought she was everything. They both believed too much in what the world declared, and in seeking their worth through accomplishments found only misery. The fallen culture of our broken world tends to pit women against each other in competition, when they should instead be supporting and empowering each other.

Women may seek their value in motherhood like Sarai did, or nowadays they may seek it in a successful career, external appearance, a romantic relationship, superficial popularity, or even the mythical success of ‘having it all’. All of these are equally harmful. Although the accomplishments themselves may be good, they shouldn’t be the source of our identity. We don’t need to seek our worth through external validation, and if we do it will only leave us empty because the things of the world are all fleeting. As women, and as humans, we have intrinsic value because we are made in the image of God. We are unconditionally loved by God and have immense value in Him that is not dependent on whatever we might do or achieve.

A Renowned Princess

When Abram was 99-years-old and Sarai was 90-years-old, God made a covenant with Abram. God changed Abram’s name (meaning ‘exalted father’ in Hebrew) to Abraham (which meant ‘father of many’ in Hebrew), and He also changed Sarai’s name to Sarah. Names are significant in the Bible and changing their names indicates the new role that God had for them, symbolically establishing their new identities. Sarai meant ‘my princess’, showing that she was beloved and honoured by her family who had named her, as well as by God. Sarah, by comparison, means ‘princess’. This was an expansion of her identity to a wider recognition and historical importance. Sarah (as Sarai was now called) would be a princess not just to her own family who knew her, but to all people. She would be acknowledged and honoured as important in God’s human story – and as we’re still talking about her around 4,000 years later, we can see that God kept His promises!

As well as changing Sarai/Sarah’s name, God told Abram/Abraham that He would bless her and give them a son together. God would make Sarah ‘a mother of nations’ and declared that kings would be descended from her. On hearing this Abraham laughed because they were both old and long past childbearing years. God (who seems to have a sense of humour) confirmed that Sarah would have a son that time the next year and told Abraham to call their son ‘Isaac’, meaning ‘laughter’. God promised that He would make a covenant with Isaac and with his descendants after him for time everlasting – among whom we are counted if we believe. God named Sarah ‘princess’ and we are all daughters of the king if only we accept God as our king.

Sarai’s story will be continued in a second blog post, telling part two of her life under her new name of Sarah.

Adah & Zillah: The Beginning of Oppression

Bible Verses: Genesis 4:19-24

Very little is known about Adah and Zillah. There are only a few Bible verses about them, and they tend to be overlooked, however they are the first women after Eve to be named in the Bible. The ancient biblical authors clearly thought they were important enough to include, but what can we learn from them? Adah and Zillah were the two wives of Lamech, who was descended from Eve’s son Cain. Cain had given in to the power of evil by murdering his twin brother out of jealousy, despite God warning him to not let sin rule over him. Because of this, Cain had to leave the presence of God and with each generation his descendants spiralled down into more sin, eventually coming to Lamech with the sixth generation. All in all, it’s a pretty miserable picture of the humanity that God had once declared ‘very good’.

Lamech was characterised as a new low point in the human story. He was arrogant, violent, and boasted of his cruelty in murdering those who had done him even the slightest harm. Instead of worshipping God, he sung of his brutality and terrible power. Lamech was an oppressive, aggressive force who gloried in injustice. And it is in this context that Adah and Zillah emerge, as the first example of polygamy in the Bible. No doubt they were just as fallen and sinful, but we don’t know enough details about their lives to be able to say. What we do know is that they were treated as property to be accumulated rather than humans and women to be valued. The Bible makes it clear that polygamy and the oppression of women are a result of sin and cause great pain and suffering that is against God’s good plan.

Names are significant in the Bible as they often have meanings in Hebrew. In the cases of Adah and Zillah this link appears to be more tenuous than in other cases, however it has been suggested that Adah may mean ‘ornament’ while Zillah may mean ‘shadow’. These meanings certainly fit with the way that the two women are presented. Being named an ‘ornament’ would suggest that Adah was treated as no more than a trophy wife rather than as her own person, whereas the name ‘shadow’ suggests that Zillah was hidden unseen in the dark and not allowed to fulfil her potential. The power-obsessed Lamech treated these two women as little more than status symbols and an audience for his boasting. It is a far cry from the loving, monogamous marriage that God had intended for Adam and Eve.

Why was this depressing story included in the Bible? The ancient biblical authors clearly wrote of Adah and Zillah for a reason, especially since the book of Genesis is about ‘beginnings’ and sets the scene for God’s plan in this world. I think its purpose is to show clearly from the outset that this is not what our God wants. Later stories in the Bible have many examples of oppression, violence, arrogance, polygamy, and the mistreatment of women. Even God’s people, who chose to follow Him, frequently fell short in the way they treated their womenfolk. God uses broken people, but He has a better plan for us all. And He knows all His daughters, every overlooked Adah and Zillah, by name.

So this story is a cautionary tale of how not to treat women, or any other oppressed group. It is a demonstration of how sin has multiplied from Eve’s curse of being ruled over by a bad husband to the systematic oppression of women in a patriarchal society. Sin hurts everyone, but it has been especially damaging to women – hence why war was initiated between Eve (women) and the serpent (forces of evil/sin).

Yet not all is bad. Even when fallen, human creativity continues. Adah and Zillah’s children became the first craftsmen and artists, specialising in different occupations. The number 7 in ancient Jewish culture signified completion or wholeness, and as these children were the 7^th generation from Adam and Eve, they showed a totality of the human project being launched into the world.

This human creativity is directly linked to the mothers, Adah and Zillah, who bore life to their children. Humanity may have got lost along the way, but they still had the inner urge to create and God could use that to build a better future. While the individual story itself is a human tragedy, there remains an element of hope to be found in the promise of a greater story. While it is Adah and Zillah who suffer most, it is from them that hope continues. Women are an important part of God’s plan.

Things had gone wrong along the way, but this was only the beginning and God would redeem His people.