Elegant Eating Etiquette

In my previous blog article, Introduction to Dining Etiquette, I wrote about the basics of table manners and the difference between Continental and American methods of using cutlery. As a follow-up to that, I thought I’d share here some additional tips about Western dining etiquette and how to eat elegantly.

Napkins

You should follow your hostess’ lead as to when to place your napkin on your lap, however this would ideally be as soon as you’ve sat down at the table. It should definitely be before you commence eating, because you don’t want to risk dropping food on your clothes. Traditionally, different sized napkins are used for different meals, with dinner napkins being larger than ones for afternoon tea. When you take your napkin, fold it equally in half along its sides so that it forms a rectangle. Then place it on your lap with the folded edge towards your body. Try to do this quietly under the table, without making a fuss over it or flapping the napkin where people can see. To use your napkin, open the corners by your knees and lift the napkin to delicately dab your lips. Don’t make a big show of scrubbing your mouth. You can then refold your napkin to cover any stains, as they will be inside the folded layers. If you don’t like a mouthful of food it is polite to swallow it anyway, however if you can’t force yourself do that or it contains a bone, then discreetly spit it out into your napkin. Give the impression you are merely dabbing your mouth. You shouldn’t leave the table during dinner, but if you need to then place your napkin on your chair. This is a signal to the waiters that you are coming back. At the end of the meal, gather your napkin together and leave it to the left of your plate on the table.

Bread & Butter

When taking butter from a butter dish, use your butter knife to cut off all you want and place it on the edge of your bread plate. Don’t spread butter straight onto your bread from the butter dish. Instead, tear off one bite size piece of bread at a time with your fingers and butter each piece with your knife to eat individually, using the butter on the side of your plate. This avoids getting crumbs into the butter, which besides looking more aesthetically pleasing is considerate to anyone else sharing that butter dish. This is especially vital if the butter may be shared with someone who is on a gluten free diet. Even if you are not sharing the butter, however, it’s still proper etiquette to act as if you might be and to avoid contaminating it with crumbs.

Soup

When eating soup, your soup spoon should be scooped away from you. This helps to avoid splashes onto clothes, although it’s also a leftover from when soup spoons used to be much larger than they are today. Avoid overfilling your spoon – aim to fill it by about two thirds. Again, this helps avoid spillages. You can remove drips from the bottom of your spoon by gently scraping it against the lip of your soup dish if it has one. If it doesn’t, then just briefly rest your spoon on the surface of your soup to remove drips. Never blow on your soup as that may cause splashes. It is better to instead wait for it to cool on the spoon if it is too hot. Don’t tilt your soup bowl, even to get the last drops, as that is how accidents happen and messes occur. Quietly sip the soup from the edge of your spoon that is closest to you.

Salt & Pepper

Always taste your food first before adding salt or pepper. This indicates that it’s simply a matter of personal preference rather than a case of your not trusting the cook’s judgement. If you are asked to pass either the salt or pepper make sure to always pass them as a pair. The salt and pepper should stay together. Ask someone to pass the salt and pepper to you if you would like them and they’re not within easy reach. Never lean across someone else to get them. When someone has asked for something at the dinner table (in this case salt and pepper), always pass it on to that person first. It would be rude to make them wait by using it first whilst it’s being passed down the table. Because of this, it’s polite and the proper etiquette to ask your neighbour if they would like the salt or pepper first before asking them to pass it to you. And of course, it goes without saying that you should always say the ‘magic words’ of please and thank you.

Spaghetti

Spaghetti notoriously takes no small degree of skill to eat with elegance. You should never twirl it on a spoon or cut it with a knife. Instead, take a small amount of spaghetti between the prongs of your fork. Twirl it clockwise against an empty edge of your plate until you have a neat bite-sized piece you can eat. If your fork picks up too much spaghetti, simply drop it off the fork and try again with a smaller amount. Be considerate to those around you by not slurping or shoving your mouth with too much for you to elegantly manage. Spaghetti can be a tricky food, so it may be wise to practise in private first and, unless you’re confident, possibly to avoid spaghetti altogether on a first date.

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Cutlery, Courses, & Table Settings

Formal evening dinners are about enjoying quality food whilst also enjoying conversation with the company present. Since they are intended to be a pleasurable experience rather than just a fuelling of the body, these dinners usually have multiple courses with a sequence of different foods. These different courses mean that additional cutlery is used and if you are unfamiliar with these it can be confusing as to what is expected. In general, it’s better to be over-prepared so you feel knowledgeable and at ease, rather than to be under-prepared. Embarrassment and confusion will only distract you from the main reason you are there: to socialise with other people. It takes just a little knowledge of the system for the dining etiquette to be suddenly not so complicated as it may initially appear.

Dinner Presentation

There are two main styles in which dinner may be presented. The first, service à la française, originated in France and involved all the food being displayed on the table at the same time. This can still be seen today in the adapted form of buffets. The second, service à la russe, originated in Russia and was introduced to Paris by a Russian ambassador in 1810. This involved multiple courses being brought in separately from the kitchen by footmen or waiters throughout the meal. Service à la russe had the advantage that food was still hot when the time came to eat it and it became popular in England, later catching on in France and the rest of the Western world. Most formal dinners and Western restaurants today use a version of service à la russe.

Place Setting Layout

An easy way to remember the order for place settings is to hold your hands out in front of you and bend your thumbs to touch halfway along your index fingers. Your left hand will form a letter ‘b’, indicating that your bread plate and butter knife are on your left. Your right hand will form a letter ‘d’, indicating that your drinks glasses are on your right.

In the centre in front of you will either be an empty space for plates to be set (if you are in Britain) or a large service plate for other plates to be set on top of (if you are in America). In America it’s felt that guests shouldn’t come to a ‘naked’ place setting so service plates are used for decoration, although they also help catch drips or spills. However, in Britain service plates are considered unnecessary since they are not eaten from and so are traditionally not used.

Another cultural difference is that in American place settings the spoons are positioned above the plate, whereas in British settings they are traditionally positioned to the right hand side. However, since the American setting is used in international business it has become the norm in much of Britain. At Buckingham Palace, for instance, the American place setting for spoons is now used because The Queen receives many international guests and wishes to put them at ease – an example of following the spirit of etiquette over always obeying the rules of correct etiquette.

Cutlery Layout

A good general rule with cutlery is that you work from the outside in, and with cutlery above your plate you work from the bottom to the top. If you’re unsure which cutlery to use, you can watch your fellow diners to follow their lead. Forks will be positioned to the left of the plate to be used in the left hand, whereas knives will be positioned to the right to be used in the right hand. Knife blades should be facing inwards towards your plate to show that you mean your neighbour no harm.

The invention of stainless steel during the Industrial Revolution led the Victorians to design an excess of different cutlery utensils, each suited for specific foods. While the most elaborate of Victorian excesses are now rarely seen, formal dinners still make use of multiple cutlery pieces. The cutlery set on the table will indicate what types of food can be expected. Sometimes it will also show how many courses there will be, but this isn’t always the case as some etiquette experts consider it bad form to have more than three knives and forks on the table at a time, with the exception of an oyster fork. In this case, any cutlery for additional courses will be brought in separately later. Before the pudding course everything will be removed from your place setting except your water goblet and wine glasses.

Types of Cutlery

This isn’t an exhaustive list but consists of the most likely items to be encountered, as well as demonstrating the system in which cutlery is arranged.

To right of dinner plate: oyster fork resting in soup spoon, fish knife, entreé knife, meat knife, salad knife.

To left of dinner plate: fish fork, entreé fork, meat fork, salad fork.

Above dinner plate: ice cream fork, dessert fork, dessert spoon.

This setting would indicate an eight-course dinner consisting of hors d’œuvres, soup, fish, entreé, palate cleanser, main course, salad, and pudding, which would then likely be followed by coffee afterwards. The salad knife and fork would most likely be brought in later with the salad course, to avoid an excess of cutlery on the table at any one time.

Three-Course Dinners

Three-course dinners are the most common and are standard for all but the most formal dinners today. Additional courses would most likely be found at only very formal events. A three-course dinner consists of soup, a main course, and pudding.

Soup is first in a three-course dinner as a lighter, liquid starter. The soup spoon should be scooped away from you to avoid potential spills and then sipped from the side of the spoon. A bread roll may be served at the same time on your bread plate, but you shouldn’t dunk the bread in your soup unless you’re in an informal environment with friends.

The main course is the richest and most substantial part of a dinner. Unless you have chosen a vegetation option, it traditionally includes meat and should be eaten with the meat knife and meat fork.

Pudding is the sweet course that concludes a dinner. Depending on what is served, it would usually be eaten with the dessert fork in the left hand and dessert spoon in the right hand, with the spoon transferring food to your mouth. Having the most sugary foods at the end of a meal is best for your dental health because your enzymes are already at work and prepared to break the sugar down.

Full-Course Dinners

Although the Victorians had very elaborate multi-course dinners, these became shortened throughout the twentieth century. Whilst the three-course dinner is the standard nowadays, additional courses may be encountered at grander affairs. As a general guide, these courses start with light food then become richer with the main course or roast as the pinnacle, followed by more delicate and sweet foods to finish.

Hors d’œuvres is French for ‘outside of works’ because the chef’s main work will come later in the main courses. It is an appetiser that may be finger food or could use the oyster fork.
Amuse-bouche is French for ‘mouth amuser’ and is small bites of food that offer a glimpse of the chef’s skill while guests are waiting for the next courses. They emerged as part of the nouvelle cuisine movement of the 1960s so were not found in more traditional meals.
Soup is a relatively light course that prepares guests from the more substantial foods to come.
Fish traditionally came next. It was eaten using the fish fork and fish knife, however these largely fell out of fashion after World War One because the upper classes viewed them as a pretentious middle-class invention and preferred to use two forks instead.
Entrée means ‘entrance’ in French and is a small course prior to the main course. However, in America and parts of Canada it is instead sometimes used to refer to the main course itself. This is because only the upper classes would regularly eat a full-course dinner and, as eating habits became simplified, Americans began to eat what would have been an entrée as their main course instead. European eating habits also became simplified, but they retained the term entrée as referring to a starter course.
Roast/main course is the richest, most substantial, and largest course of the dinner. It usually involves meat, unless you are vegetarian.
A palate cleanser is sometimes served between two more substantial courses, such as between the roast and cold dish or alternatively between the entreé and roast. It is usually a punch or sorbet, which is eaten with the ice cream fork.
Cold dish/second main course is the last of the more substantial courses and traditionally involved cold meat, as opposed to the hot meat of the main course.
Salad is served after the main courses in Britain, whereas in America it’s instead served before the main course. It is eaten with the salad fork and salad knife, which are smaller than those used for meat.
Pudding is the British term for the sweet course, although in America it’s commonly called ‘dessert’. The pudding course could include cake, pie, tart, ice cream, pastry, custard, or an actual pudding – to give a few examples.
Dessert, unlike pudding, is the fruit course that acts as as a palate cleanser at the end of a meal. It’s name comes from the French ‘desservir‘.
Savouries/cheese are served after dessert in Britain. Savouries are less popular nowadays and a cheese course may be seen instead. The idea for both is the same – it’s something plain and salty that will clear the palate before the following drinks. In America, France, and most other European countries, however, cheese is instead served to accompany wines before pudding.
Coffee isn’t really a course but is frequently served after dinner. The increased blood sugar levels from dinner can induce sleepiness and coffee helps to counter that effect, allowing people to continue after dinner discussions.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI21soMp3ls

Introduction to Dining Etiquette

‘Man, it has been said, is a dining animal. Creatures of the inferior races eat and drink; man only dines.’
Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management

From family suppers to formal dinners, eating together is often an important social occasion. Food and drink, however, provide many opportunities for things to go wrong and it can be very unpleasant to sit next to a messy or loud eater. Because of this, etiquette is especially important when at the dining table.

Modern Western table manners arose during the Renaissance, when the concept of personal betterment and refinement was popular. In 1533 Catherine de’ Medici left Florence (the cultural centre of the Renaissance) to marry Henry II, the future king of France. Both were fourteen-years-old at the time. Catherine de’ Medici did much to Italianise French dining habits and is credited for introducing modern table manners to the rest of Europe, which was still feasting in a Medieval fashion. The use of forks was slow to catch on, and it was only by the eighteenth century that etiquette guides required the use of forks. Our dining etiquette originates from that period.

Basic Table Manners

‘The best table manners are always those that no one notices.’
Debrett’s

The basics of table manners are the rules we were taught as children. They may seem like common sense, but are important to remember. Wash your hands and be clean before coming to the table. Wait until everyone has been served before beginning to eat. Chew with your mouth closed, finish your mouthful before talking, and never stuff your face with more than you can elegantly manage. Don’t burp, slurp, chew loudly, or make other unseemly noises. Avoid making scraping or clattering noises with cutlery. Don’t pick your teeth at the table or spit out food. Keep your elbows off the table, sit with a good posture, and show interest in the conversation. Don’t use your phone at the table or even have it visible at the table. Listen politely and wait your turn instead of interrupting conversation. If you want something from the other side of the table, ask someone to please pass it to you rather than reaching across them. Try to match your eating speed to those around you, so they are not waiting for you to finish nor you waiting for them at the end. It is a matter of being respectful so that the focus is on enjoying the food and conversation, rather than being distracted by someone’s atrocious table manners.

Continental Style Dining

There are two styles of using cutlery: the continental style and the American style. The continental style is used throughout continental Europe as well as in Britain. The American style, as evident from its name, is unique to America. The difference between the two styles is in their usage of the knife and fork.

The knife should be held in the right hand while the fork is used in the left hand. The handles of the knife and fork should be held inside the palms of each hand, with the index fingers pointing straight down the backs of each. The knife should never be held like a pen. The right index finger should reach to where the knife handle joins the blade, while the left index finger should reach to just before the bridge of the fork with the fork tines turned downwards. The remaining fingers should be wrapped around each piece of cutlery to hold it securely. Your elbows should be held close to your sides, and your wrists should be held low above the plate.

In the continental style, the fork is used to hold a piece of food in place whilst the knife cuts a single mouthful. Only a single mouthful should be cut at a time – you’re not a little child anymore who needs all their food cut up for them beforehand. The fork is then used, still in the left hand, to transfer that piece of food to the mouth. The knife remains in the right hand, held low above the plate until it is needed to cut the next mouthful.

The fork tines can be used to stab a piece of food, and the knife can be used to help pile softer foods on the back (the convex side) of the fork. When eating continental style, the concave side of the fork should never be used to shovel food. Apparently piling food on the back of the fork is a very British thing to do, and different types of food can be combined in a single mouthful as long as it’s of a manageable size.

American Style Dining

American style dining is also known as the ‘zig-zag’ or the ‘cut-and-switch’ method. To begin with, the knife and fork are held in the same way as in the continental style. However, once a mouthful of food has been cut, the knife is then laid to rest diagonally across the top of the plate. The fork is transferred from the left to the right hand and is held like a pen with the concave side facing upwards. The left hand is placed to rest neatly in your own lap until it’s needed again. The fork (now in the right hand) is used to stab a piece of food and transfer it to your mouth. The fork is then moved back into the left hand again and the knife taken up in the right hand to repeat the process.

There are various theories as to why Americans have their own style of dining instead of using the continental style. The continental style is used throughout Europe as well as in much of the rest of the world for international business. The most popular story appears to be that the American style of dining was once the norm in France. Americans chose to adopt the French way of dining since they considered France to be the height of civility. However, by the 1850s the French switched to the continental style. They considered it more efficient, even though it initially required more practice for right-handed people to become fully coordinated. The Americans, meanwhile, continued using their cutlery the way they had before.

Other Western Cultural Differences

Besides the most obvious difference in the use of cutlery, there are a number of other differences between the dining etiquettes of Western countries. In America, your spare hand should be kept neatly in your lap under the table. In Britain, you shouldn’t put your cutlery down during a course unless you are reaching for your drink or napkin, but between courses your hands should be kept in your lap beneath the table. By comparison, in France this would be considered incredibly rude. When dining in France, your hands should be visible above the table at all times. Historically this was to prove you weren’t hiding a weapon. Nowadays it shows that you’re not misbehaving beneath the table, and also gives ladies a chance to show off their fine rings. This rule is also true for much of the rest of continental Europe, including Spain, Italy, Germany, and Sweden.

In Germany it is polite to avoid using your knife to cut, instead slicing food with the side of your fork if possible. This is a compliment to the host or hostess since to cut with your knife would suggest that the food was undercooked. Another cultural etiquette difference is the position that your knife and fork are left in when you have finished eating. In Britain they should be left in a 6:30 position (imagining your knife and fork as the handles on a clock) to signal that you have finished, whereas in America they should be left in a 4:20 position. Again, this varies from country to country in continental Europe.

Learn More

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRL8xVjXK_w