The Crisis of Masculinity

‘I have a strong feeling that masculinity is in crisis. Men are really searching for a role in modern society; the things we used to do aren’t in much demand anymore.’
Peter McAllister

Some time ago I wrote a blog post on The Undervaluing of Femininity. Whilst writing that I could reflect on my own experiences as well as those of other women and girls. For this blog post I can’t do that. Instead I’m having to rely on second-hand information. To better understand femininity I want to also understand masculinity, and this blog post is merely me processing different ideas that I’ve read or otherwise come across. The term ‘crisis of masculinity’ is thrown about far more than the undervaluing of femininity, which is generally unrecognised. What does a crisis of masculinity mean to men? Do they experience it in a similar way to how women experience an undervaluing of femininity? What does masculinity mean?

Feminism & Men

With greater gender equality and the opening of opportunities for women, masculinity can no longer be found in the rigid gender roles of the past. Unable to rely on those outdated roles, men are now having to search within themselves to come to a deeper understanding of masculinity and what it means to be a real man, instead of depending on those superficial elements. There is more flexibility and fluidity than was allowed in the past – which should be freeing, but also requires that men individually come to understand their masculinity instead of simply receiving fixed definitions from their society.

‘When I was first going on this exploration myself, right, like, I went through your classic midlife divorce, job loss, you know, my ex-wife had been pregnant, she lost the pregnancy, my entire life got cleared in a week or so, which left time for a lot of introspection. And so I started going down the wormhole of who am I as a man? And it felt like what was available to me at the time were two very different paradigms that I broke into the 1950s Marlboro man… the cowboy, the isolated, the “I don’t have any emotions”, stoic, that type of man. And then on the other side was – it felt like the swing of the pendulum that had gone too far – was this sensitive, new-age, you know and I know this is kind of mean but I’ll say it anyway, like a vegan, feminist, poet like man. And I didn’t really relate to either of them. I had a background of professional fighting and bodyguarding, and CrossFit, and very, very male stuff, but I also had gone to acupuncture school and studied Chinese medicine, and was a meditator, lived in an ashram.
‘So really I wanted to create a third option, which was the combination of the two, which was the primal – that which is in the DNA of all man. And it’s ok, the permission to give men, to say it’s ok if you want to go and f*** some s*** up in the world, if you want to fight, if you want to have desire, if you want to build things, if you want to cut down trees, classic male stuff. And yet what was so missing in so many men is this ability to feel, interpret, and be ok with emotion. Emotion and consciousness together. A responsibility of emotional intelligence, of reverence for the feminine, of reverence for nature. So the “uncivilised man” for me has those two elements together. He’s got access, I say, to his head, to his heart, and to his balls. He understands the primal, he understands when it’s time to be primal, but he also has a connection to something deeper than himself, which is consciousness or as I call it the divine.’
Traver Boehm, ‘My True North’ podcast

Masculinity & Masks

Society frequently reduces the idea of masculinity down to brute force and macho competitions. This simplification doesn’t do justice to the value and power of true masculinity. It forgets that true masculinity modifies strength with gentleness, giving purpose and meaning instead of insecure aggression or masks. Healthy masculinity cares about others and doing what is right. It is so much more than the tough, stoic façade that has historically been so damaging to human connection and mental health. Neither does healthy masculinity swing too far to other extreme of becoming a passive onlooker who stands for nothing. Real masculinity knows the values it stands for and will not compromise on integrity. It’s about the balance and combination of gentle strength. Masculinity shouldn’t deny the innate power it has, but should use that power solely for good and be unafraid of emotional vulnerability.

‘It’s almost like we as a group feel almost like animals backed into a corner. And when that happens – you know what happens – they lash out, right. They attack. And it’s counter-intuitive to the culture because the culture’s like “wait a minute, what about the patriarchy? Wait a minute, you guys are in charge. You guys are doing all the bad s***, how come you feel trapped?” Because we don’t have a place to freely express ourselves as men, and we don’t have the permission – here’s the biggie – the permission to feel our feelings… It’s about giving ourselves permission to be human.’
Traver Boehm, ‘My True North’ podcast

Rediscovering Masculinity

Historically, masculine identities tended to be linked with the gender roles of those past eras. Men were the breadwinners, the warriors, the protectors, the providers. Nowadays us women have the opportunities to win our own bread and make our own decisions. This is of course to be celebrated! Greater freedom for any group of humans is a win for humankind! If that leads to a reassessment of what masculinity stands for, then that assessment is long overdue. No identity should come from solely from work or external accomplishments. That is far too limiting and fragile a source. Instead identity – whether masculine, feminine, or individual – needs to come from intrinsically inside ourselves.

‘I need to do the work to be ok by myself, to be ok alone in a room, ok with who I am… It’s about really owning your power, owning who you are, why you’re here, and then being unapologetic about how you want to serve the world. And I use that term very specifically. How you want to serve the world. We need more men who understand that you’re here to do something. And it’s ok if you want to do something great. It’s ok if you want to step outside the box. And guess what, brother? You’re going to upset some people.’
Traver Boehm, ‘My True North’ podcast

The Oxford English Dictionary defines masculinity as ‘the assemblage of qualities regarded as characteristic of men’, which isn’t very helpful in understanding what masculinity really means. As I’ve written before, I’ve come to see healthy masculinity as embodied in the phrase gentle strength. How do you understand it? I’m interested in understanding different people’s perspectives and experiences. What do femininity and masculinity mean to you?

‘I don’t know how else to say it other than this: that men are different. Our nervous systems are different, our habit are different, our testosterone makes us different. We’re just different [to women]. And we have this collective experience that we all go through that requires us to be around other men in order to be understood, and here’s a second thing: in order to be taught.’
Traver Boehm, ‘My True North’ podcast

Learn More

Femininity Vs. Masculinity

Femininity, noun – ‘Behaviour or qualities regarded as characteristic of a woman; feminine quality or characteristics; womanliness.’ The word was first recorded circa 1405 but its usage was rare before the late 18th century.
Oxford English Dictionary

Masculinity, noun – ‘The state or fact of being masculine; the assemblage of qualities regarded as characteristic of men; maleness, manliness.’ The word was first recorded in 1748.
Oxford English Dictionary

If femininity and masculinity are considered to be the characteristics of women and men respectively, then to explore each term further it makes sense to look at what those characteristics might be. Looking at gender differences in psychology and the brain can be problematic because it raises the issue of nature versus nurture and what constitutes positive or negative societal influences. Instead in this blog article I want to explore how femininity and masculinity are rooted in the biological designs of women and men.

Masculinity and femininity are not the same as being male or female – I consider them as different energies with associated traits. These energies perhaps don’t correlate with gender all the time, however as they mostly do that is what I’ll be looking at here. As a disclaimer, I want to add that femininity and masculinity are not limited by biology into any kind of gender roles or requirements. Rather, I think they are more flexible energies that can be transferred into any activity, regardless of whether it has been traditionally associated with that gender stereotype or not.

Women’s Biology & Femininity

Biologically, women are defined by their amazing ability to grow and give birth to new life. After birth, they continue to nourish and nurture their baby through breastfeeding. Different stages of womanhood involve: menarche (usually between the ages of 10-16, with the average age being about 12 years old, when they’re still children but transitioning into becoming women); menstrual cycles; pregnancy; childbirth; breastfeeding; and menopause (usually between the ages of 45-55, with the average age being about 51 years old).

Women are typically shorter and less muscular than men. This is partly because they need to be able to feed their baby as well as themselves, so need a more manageable food requirement to start with. Women have a curved figure because they save fat reserves around their hips and thighs to help in case of pregnancy. A wider pelvis is also needed for child bearing. Women tend to walk with smaller steps and more pelvic movement. A curvy figure also indicates health, fertility, and that they are of a suitable age for childbearing, no longer being children or having passed menopause when fat reserves tend to shift elsewhere.

Women tend to have higher pitched voices, about an octave higher than men’s. They have less facial and body hair, higher eyebrows, fuller lips, a softer jawline, and a longer life expectancy of about six to eight years even in countries where both genders have equal access to health. Women have two XX chromosomes, which it’s been suggested perhaps contributes to their better health as if one is faulty it can be backed up by the other. Oestrogen is the primary female hormone. Women only have one tenth of the amount of testosterone as men, however they are more sensitive to it.

Women are biologically designed with the ability to be nurturing mothers. They are physically more vulnerable, especially during and following pregnancy or whilst nursing and caring for infants. Women are incredibly strong to be able to go through childbirth. Active labour takes an average of eight hours for first time mothers or five hours for previous mothers, although it can last many hours longer. Besides the pain of pushing out a whole new human, many mothers say it is more the intensity of repetitive, ongoing contractions that is unbearable rather than the individual contractions themselves. No one can say that women aren’t strong, yet they remain vulnerable to outside threats. If femininity is rooted in the characteristics of being a woman, it clearly has a different kind of inner strength to masculinity. I see the essence of healthy femininity as being strong in her gentleness.

Men’s Biology & Masculinity

Biologically, men are typically taller and more muscular than women, with broader shoulders and an expanded rib cage. They have a straighter body shape without as defined a waist or hips, because they tend to instead deposit fat around their waist and abdomen. Men have a metabolism that generally burns calories faster, using that energy for immediate activity rather than saving it as fat reserves for times when food may not be as available. Besides fertilising for the conception of a child, men usually have a greater physical strength that helped them protect and provide for families at times when women were pregnant or otherwise more vulnerable.

Men tend to have deeper pitched voices, about an octave lower than women’s. They also have larger Adam’s apples for this reason, because their deeper voices require a larger voice box. Men have more body and facial hair, more angular jawlines, stronger brows, a lower life expectancy of about six to eight years, and tend to walk with larger steps and less pelvic movement than women. They have XY chromosomes and testosterone is the primary male hormone. Men have ten times more testosterone than women, which means they are generally more aggressive and competitive.

It is undeniable that men are physically stronger than women on average. They are biologically designed to be protective husbands and fathers, who are gentle enough to care for their family yet strong enough to keep their family safe when necessary. If masculinity is rooted in the characteristics of being a man, it would appear to have a different though complementary emphasis to femininity. I see the essence of healthy masculinity as being gentle in his strength.

Partnership of Femininity & Masculinity

Both men and women, femininity and masculinity, are more similar than they are different, even though they each have their own emphasis. Both are intended to work in an equal partnership together as a family and a community supporting each other, helping each other to thrive. A man’s masculinity is gentleness in his strength. A woman’s femininity is strength in her gentleness. More important than these differences is that both are called to be good, kind, balanced people who contribute positively to this wonderful yet broken world that we’ve been trusted to look after.

What Are Femininity & Masculinity?

What are femininity and masculinity? I’ve been considering this question for quite some time now. I might not have the final answer, but I thought I’d share my thoughts.

Femininity and masculinity are different energies. They have associated qualities and attributes, yet are more of an intangible impression or atmosphere than a checklist of accomplishments. In a similar way to how some people give off a friendly, threatening, or fearful energy; other people exude a feminine or masculine presence. Femininity and masculinity are not about gender roles. They are more of an energy sensed in the way people choose to show up, whatever they are doing.

In our society feminine and masculine energies are often pitted against each other as opposites or as rivals. I don’t think that’s what they’re truly about. There’s a spectrum of femininity and masculinity, yet even at the far ends they’re complementary not opposite. They’re not so different as some people would have us believe. There’s more of a quality of yin and yang. Femininity and masculinity are partners working together, not enemies fighting for power.

Most women feel more at home in their femininity, and most men feel more authentic in their masculinity. These energies are not the same as gender, however in most cases they do have a natural alignment with it. Men and women are both human and more alike than they are different, yet there are clear differences too. So it is with femininity and masculinity. Femininity and masculinity each have a different emphasis and approach, rather than being of an entirely disparate core.

So what do I think femininity and masculinity individually are? Every person will express these energies through the coloured lens of their own personality as no one is identical, yet I’ve tried to boil each down to their simplest essence. Cut down to their most pithy summary, I think each can be expressed in just two words:

Femininity is strong gentleness. Masculinity is gentle strength.

I intend to further explore what each of those mean in additional blog articles, but for now I hope you find that some food for thought. Please feel free to share your ideas in the comments box below, as I’d be interested to hear your take on it. Have a wonderful day!

Humans: Man & Woman

Humans. We’re one species and yet two distinct types of people. Every society throughout the world and throughout history has acknowledged this two-in-one nature of humanity. It structures our interactions and relations with each other. On one level it’s simple, yet at the same time it’s an amazing, complex mystery. Nowadays gender may be more fluid, understood by many people as a spectrum rather than a strict binary, yet most humans still identify as either male or female.

Despite this universal recognition, we often struggle to clarify exactly what it means to be a man or a woman beyond basic biology. Is anatomy all there is to it? Or are we different on the inside too, at an emotional or spiritual level? We have been shaped by our cultures and socialisation, but surely there’s more to gender than just learnt differences? As humans we are more alike than we are different, but we are distinct too – and when those differences work together it is something beautiful.

In our present-day society in the West, we often turn to science for answers. Science, we think, can rationally and logically categorise distinctions. It can explain things in a way that makes sense. There’s much value in that, yet science is imperfect. For years it was received wisdom that men’s and women’s brains functioned in separate ways, however recent research has revealed that many of those studies were in fact unknowingly biased. Human brains have a plasticity that means they are very flexible to the influences of upbringing. Society socialises girls and boys differently – whether for good or for ill – and since that begins to shape their brains from a very young age it is hard to say what is society and what is nature. It’s the old and perhaps outdated debate of nature versus nurture. Where can we draw the line?

As a Christian, I try to root my worldview in God’s word. At the very beginning of the Bible in the stories of creation, this is how humans are introduced:

‘And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.’
Genesis 1:26-27

Here the name ‘man’ is used to refer to mankind, to humanity. God ‘created he him’ – humans as a singular species – and ‘male and female created he them’ at the same time. We’re the same and yet distinctive, a creation that is two-in-one. This is shown in the claim that we are made in the ‘image’ of God.

Being the image of God doesn’t refer to physical appearance because God is spirit not physical. What it refers to is the role and purpose of humans on earth. We are made to be God’s representatives and ‘have dominion’ to rule over the earth by taking care of it, continuing God’s work in creation of bringing about goodness. We are endowed with portions of God’s qualities and characteristics, and humans are called to represent God’s love in the world. Understanding that all humans are made in the image of God is of vital importance in Christianity because it means we believe that everyone is immensely valuable and deserves love, dignity, and equality. Men and women are each made in the image of God, yet a distinction is made between them that marks each as distinct and equally valuable.

While creating the world, God designed it beautifully with order. He separated light from dark, heaven from earth, land from sea, day from night, and animals into different habitats. His final crowning creation was humanity, whom He separated into male and female. As men and women, we are a part of God’s beautifully ordered plan. Separate and yet the same. Sharing in God’s image and purpose together as equal partners.

An understanding of our shared humanity must be the basis of any attempts to differentiate what it means to be men/boys or women/girls. What specifically those differences are I’ll consider in another blog post.