The Undervaluing of Femininity

‘Why do women want to dress like men when they’re fortunate enough to be women? Why lose femininity, which is one of our greatest charms?’
Tasha Tudor

When I was at school there were several girls who declared that they hated the colour pink. Even at the time, that slightly disturbed me. Not because of any preference of colour itself, but because of the underlying reason. Those girls didn’t hate pink for being pink. They had decided to hate it for what it represented: femininity. And in particular, the negative connotations they had been taught were associated with femininity. Personally I love pink, but it has no innate relation with femininity. Pink and blue have only been marketed as gendered colours since the early twentieth century. Even then, it wasn’t until the 1950s that it was commonly agreed which colour was associated with which gender. The problem has nothing to do with colour, rather it’s about a stark misunderstanding of femininity. Why is femininity so undervalued that even young girls have been taught to hate it?

Mature Femininity

Femininity has been reduced down to little more than frilly pink princess dresses and make-up. It’s true meaning has become so confused that it’s seen as infantile, weak, and therefore inferior. There’s nothing wrong with little girls enjoying girly things, but mature femininity is so much more than that. It’s something for women step into, something that holds immense value, and that deserves to be prized. There is nothing weak or infantile about a woman’s ability to be a mother; likewise, there is nothing weak or infantile about true femininity. Mature femininity is found in the harmonious balance of strong gentleness, with each quality modifying and elevating the other. I think part of the problem is that our society seems to have either forgotten or ignored this.

Strong Gentleness

All too often, understandings of femininity are reduced down to a kind of helpless, passive, damsel-in-distress gentleness. To use the example of motherhood again: gentleness is essential for nurturing the next generation, but mothers also need to be incredibly strong. Mature femininity is displayed in a woman’s ability to protect, set safe boundaries, stand up for and stand up to her children. A feminine lady knows her God-given worth and doesn’t need to prove herself. Because of this, she is able to gratefully accept help when she needs it – because we all need help sometimes – but she is wise enough not to fall into a victim mentality of waiting for a prince to save her.

Femininity & Feminism

The Feminist Movement has done many great things in addressing the historical undervaluing of women. We owe where we are today and the opportunities available to the women who came before us. However, like any movement, it’s not without its flaws. Much of the time Feminism has raised women’s value by encouraging them to become more masculine. It’s great that we now have more agency in our own lives. We have the freedom to follow our callings wherever they may lead. The problem is that traditionally masculine paths are still valued over traditionally feminine paths. The Feminist Movement has neglected to notice that, by promoting masculine behaviours in women, they are in fact upholding a patriarchal dismissal of the feminine.

Thriving in Femininity

Femininity is equally as valuable as masculinity. Both are essential for a healthy, balanced, supportive society. Some feminists have begun to recognise this, but there still needs to be a shift away from this ingrained undervaluing of femininity. Women don’t have to act like men to have worth. We all have our individual gifts and different strengths that mean we express our femininity through the lens of our own personality. Growing towards femininity does not make us all identical. Rather, it allows us each to thrive and bloom into the wonderful image of who God created us to be.

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What Are Femininity & Masculinity?

What are femininity and masculinity? I’ve been considering this question for quite some time now. I might not have the final answer, but I thought I’d share my thoughts.

Femininity and masculinity are different energies. They have associated qualities and attributes, yet are more of an intangible impression or atmosphere than a checklist of accomplishments. In a similar way to how some people give off a friendly, threatening, or fearful energy; other people exude a feminine or masculine presence. Femininity and masculinity are not about gender roles. They are more of an energy sensed in the way people choose to show up, whatever they are doing.

In our society feminine and masculine energies are often pitted against each other as opposites or as rivals. I don’t think that’s what they’re truly about. There’s a spectrum of femininity and masculinity, yet even at the far ends they’re complementary not opposite. They’re not so different as some people would have us believe. There’s more of a quality of yin and yang. Femininity and masculinity are partners working together, not enemies fighting for power.

Most women feel more at home in their femininity, and most men feel more authentic in their masculinity. These energies are not the same as gender, however in most cases they do have a natural alignment with it. Men and women are both human and more alike than they are different, yet there are clear differences too. So it is with femininity and masculinity. Femininity and masculinity each have a different emphasis and approach, rather than being of an entirely disparate core.

So what do I think femininity and masculinity individually are? Every person will express these energies through the coloured lens of their own personality as no one is identical, yet I’ve tried to boil each down to their simplest essence. Cut down to their most pithy summary, I think each can be expressed in just two words:

Femininity is strong gentleness. Masculinity is gentle strength.

I intend to further explore what each of those mean in additional blog articles, but for now I hope you find that some food for thought. Please feel free to share your ideas in the comments box below, as I’d be interested to hear your take on it. Have a wonderful day!

Humans: Man & Woman

Humans. We’re one species and yet two distinct types of people. Every society throughout the world and throughout history has acknowledged this two-in-one nature of humanity. It structures our interactions and relations with each other. On one level it’s simple, yet at the same time it’s an amazing, complex mystery. Nowadays gender may be more fluid, understood by many people as a spectrum rather than a strict binary, yet most humans still identify as either male or female.

Despite this universal recognition, we often struggle to clarify exactly what it means to be a man or a woman beyond basic biology. Is anatomy all there is to it? Or are we different on the inside too, at an emotional or spiritual level? We have been shaped by our cultures and socialisation, but surely there’s more to gender than just learnt differences? As humans we are more alike than we are different, but we are distinct too – and when those differences work together it is something beautiful.

In our present-day society in the West, we often turn to science for answers. Science, we think, can rationally and logically categorise distinctions. It can explain things in a way that makes sense. There’s much value in that, yet science is imperfect. For years it was received wisdom that men’s and women’s brains functioned in separate ways, however recent research has revealed that many of those studies were in fact unknowingly biased. Human brains have a plasticity that means they are very flexible to the influences of upbringing. Society socialises girls and boys differently – whether for good or for ill – and since that begins to shape their brains from a very young age it is hard to say what is society and what is nature. It’s the old and perhaps outdated debate of nature versus nurture. Where can we draw the line?

As a Christian, I try to root my worldview in God’s word. At the very beginning of the Bible in the stories of creation, this is how humans are introduced:

‘And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.’
Genesis 1:26-27

Here the name ‘man’ is used to refer to mankind, to humanity. God ‘created he him’ – humans as a singular species – and ‘male and female created he them’ at the same time. We’re the same and yet distinctive, a creation that is two-in-one. This is shown in the claim that we are made in the ‘image’ of God.

Being the image of God doesn’t refer to physical appearance because God is spirit not physical. What it refers to is the role and purpose of humans on earth. We are made to be God’s representatives and ‘have dominion’ to rule over the earth by taking care of it, continuing God’s work in creation of bringing about goodness. We are endowed with portions of God’s qualities and characteristics, and humans are called to represent God’s love in the world. Understanding that all humans are made in the image of God is of vital importance in Christianity because it means we believe that everyone is immensely valuable and deserves love, dignity, and equality. Men and women are each made in the image of God, yet a distinction is made between them that marks each as distinct and equally valuable.

While creating the world, God designed it beautifully with order. He separated light from dark, heaven from earth, land from sea, day from night, and animals into different habitats. His final crowning creation was humanity, whom He separated into male and female. As men and women, we are a part of God’s beautifully ordered plan. Separate and yet the same. Sharing in God’s image and purpose together as equal partners.

An understanding of our shared humanity must be the basis of any attempts to differentiate what it means to be men/boys or women/girls. What specifically those differences are I’ll consider in another blog post.