Friendship Podcasts (Part Two)

In a continuation to Part One, here are some more thoughts about friendship and community that I’ve gathered from various podcasts. After our relationship with God, our relationships with the people around us are one of the most important things in this world. I think they’re worth learning about, pondering on, and trying to improve at. Do you have any thoughts to share on this topic?

Friendventory – Gettin’ Grown

‘The four types of people you should have in your life: number one is the confidant. So everyone should have a friend that they can tell their business and confide in, and not have any fear or worry that they will hear this information again. And the confidant is also a listener. He or she may not need to respond or give advice, but it’s just a person for you to just let it all out to, and someone who can just kind of acknowledge your feelings and where you are, and listen to you and kinda just hold your secrets and, you know, keep that, keep them in confidence.

The next person is the comforter. So that person will be someone who can, you know, help you process your feelings and encourage you, and exhort you, and, you know, push you, you know, help you to deal with and cope with the feelings that you’re having, whatever those may be. So that person is really just like in your corner to just kinda help you, you know, keep going and deal with, you know, the struggles and challenges whatever those might be.

The next person is the confronter. This is the person who is willing to call you out on your stuff. This is not your yes-man, this is someone who’s going to be like “hey sis, that’s some bull’s point.” And we all need that person who is going to always tell us the truth – not in a judgemental way, but just someone who’s gonna be honest and let us know, you know, give us perspective outside of, give us that… objective perspective outside of what we see through the lens of our own experience.

And finally is the clarifier. That’s the person that’s going to help you process and help you think through things. So “hey sis, I’ve got an idea.” That’s the person that’s gonna get out our legal bit and “let’s talk logistics.” “Let’s think this through. Let’s think through the next, the logical steps of gettin’ this done.” Or if you have a problem, “let’s think through what we need to do in order to solve this.”‘

Tykeia Robinson

Female Friendships – Wonder Women

‘When women are together, we release a hormone called oxytocin, and it basically is a stress reliever. And when men are together, they release more testosterone. Also is you think about it, when men are together they usually do something… [Whereas generally women] we’re not going to do anything else, we’re literally going to sit on a sofa, maybe have a coffee or a coke zero or a gin and tonic, and all we’re going to do is talk, and then we release this oxytocin. Whereas men usually, if someone comes round their house, it’s play station or you go do something together…

This is why I think it’s very important to have a strong group of beautiful, amazing, clever, smart women around you. Because…. you can’t expect one person to give you everything. And this is what is so interesting. In 2002 UCLA study it was shown that women tend to befriend and connect with people in times of stress, whereas men would go into fight or flight mode. And the intensity is that, where it comes from, the business of raising babies back in the days, it was so intense and so complex and time-consuming that you needed, the more people there were to help you, the easier it was. So you had these big groups of women that were raising babies together, you know back when we all lived in the village, and it was just such a natural thing for us is to connect.’

Carrie Hope Fletcher and Celinde Schoenmaker

#4 Female Friendships ft. Gracefituk – Adulting

‘At school you’re kind of thrust into relationships with people and you have to maintain them. And it’s really interesting because outside, when you lose that kind of momentum of people being put, like, right in front of your vision and you have to make friends with them, you then realise that actually it’s up to you to go out and make friends. On the other side of that, it’s that you might be put into a group that actually, really aren’t people you’re necessarily aligned with in your beliefs, but they become your kind of life-long friends.’

Oenone Forbat

‘I feel like in general it is such a different environment [after leaving school] because [at school] you do literally get put in this, like, little melting pot and get told that one, you kind of don’t really need to give anything to a friendship to maintain it because you’ll see them everyday. But also you do need to, like, if there is, like, a falling out or something you need to sort it out as soon as possible. You’re probably not gonna not be friends again. And like, there are lots of issues I find from not being in that situation, though obviously there were many issues from being in that situation too, especially if you, say, weren’t someone who thrived off school type relationships or if you went to a very cliquey school, especially anywhere I guess with girls will be quite cliquey, just in the nature of friendship groups.’

Grace Beverley

‘I guess also with school, so much of your school life is surrounded around friendship groups and peer groups and things. And maybe also, if you’re someone who hasn’t learned how to make friends at school, when you leave it can then be very difficult to understand.’

Oenone Forbat

‘The other thing I think the problem with close friendships like you’re talking about, the best friend thing, it’s so romanticised in movies, especially, like, American movies with all these sleepover clubs and things. And when you’re younger, I don’t know if the pressure’s so much on guys, but when you’re younger as a girl, there is this, like, horrible, overarching feeling that you’ve really, like, failed at life if you don’t have this absolute best friend or group that is so stable.’

Oenone Forbat

‘I think everything in life, it all starts with you, and sometimes that process of working out who you are can be a little bit painful. It’s always worth it.’

Oenone Forbat