According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word ‘elegance’ was adopted into English from the Middle French élégance during the Medieval period. By the Tudor period at end of the fifteenth century, it had come to refer to refined manners and courtesy as well as a refined appearance. If we seek to become elegant ladies, it’s good to understand what the term actually means.
‘With reference to appearance, movement, etc.: grace or simple beauty, combined with good taste; freedom from awkwardness, coarseness, or clumsiness; refined tastefulness.’
‘With reference to social conduct: refined propriety; pleasing decorousness; graciousness.’
Oxford English Dictionary
To be elegant means to be both graceful and gracious. It involves the cultivation of good taste, the refinement of manners, and the seeking of harmonious simplicity. True elegance is beautiful and pleasing to those you interact with. It offers social confidence through freedom from awkward or embarrassing behaviours. The idea of elegance seems to be inextricably bound with that of refinement. The Oxford English Dictionary states refinement to be ‘the removing of impurities or unwanted elements by some process, or series of processes.’ This is significant in that it points out that elegance is a journey of self-improvement and education. It’s a process rather than being automatic, and is therefore achievable to us all.
Have Self-Respect
Much of elegant behaviour should flow out of having a healthy sense of dignity and respect for yourself. An elegant lady knows her own worth and won’t put up with people who treat her disrespectfully, although she remains aware of her flaws and has a modest humility as well. She can stand up for herself, when appropriate to do so, and is prepared to communicate her boundaries. She treats herself with respect even when there is no one else to see – meaning she maintains standards as a matter of habit regardless of whether she’s at home alone or out socialising. She takes care to make sure that both she and her home are always presentable during daylight hours, even if she’s not expecting company. She knows that sloppy surroundings inevitably affect her mindset, and an elegant lady wants to set herself up for success.
Be Respectful of Others
Elegance also means behaving in a respectful manner towards other people, even if and especially when she doesn’t deem them to have earned her respect. An elegant lady is kindly, gracious, considerate, polite, and ensures she acts in a way that behoves the true lady she is. She seeks to be genuinely interested in other people and to put their needs first, again when appropriate. She has learnt to judge what behaviour is appropriate for different situations, and chooses to act in a way that is good and proper. An elegant lady leans into etiquette whilst seeking also to transform her heart to be more compassionate and genuinely gracious. She is aware that the words she speaks have an affect on all who hear them, so she strives to only speak that which is true and in a way that is kind, removing any coarse or clumsy language.
Seek Refined Improvement
Elegance involves refinement, and refinement is an ongoing process. An elegant lady keeps her mind active by constantly learning new things to further her journey of self-improvement. This isn’t just a mental journey, but an emotional and spiritual one as well. An elegant lady seeks to fulfil the potential of who she was created to be. By becoming the best version of herself she can become a better blessing to the people in her life.
Feminine Finishing School 