The Undervaluing of Femininity

‘Why do women want to dress like men when they’re fortunate enough to be women? Why lose femininity, which is one of our greatest charms?’

Tasha Tudor

When I was at school there were several girls who declared that they hated the colour pink. Even at the time, that slightly disturbed me. Not because of any preference of colour itself, but because of the underlying reason. Those girls didn’t hate pink for being pink. They had decided to hate it for what it represented: femininity. And in particular, the negative connotations they had been taught were associated with femininity. Personally I love pink, but it has no innate relation with femininity. Pink and blue have only been marketed as gendered colours since the early twentieth century. Even then, it wasn’t until the 1950s that it was commonly agreed which colour was associated with which gender. The problem has nothing to do with colour, rather it’s about a stark misunderstanding of femininity. Why is femininity so undervalued that even young girls have been taught to hate it?

Mature Femininity

Femininity has been reduced down to little more than frilly pink princess dresses and make-up. It’s true meaning has become so confused that it’s seen as infantile, weak, and therefore inferior. There’s nothing wrong with little girls enjoying girly things, but mature femininity is so much more than that. It’s something for women step into, something that holds immense value, and that deserves to be prized. There is nothing weak or infantile about a woman’s ability to be a mother; likewise, there is nothing weak or infantile about true femininity. Mature femininity is found in the harmonious balance of strong gentleness, with each quality modifying and elevating the other. I think part of the problem is that our society seems to have either forgotten or ignored this.

Strong Gentleness

All too often, understandings of femininity are reduced down to a kind of helpless, passive, damsel-in-distress gentleness. To use the example of motherhood again: gentleness is essential for nurturing the next generation, but mothers also need to be incredibly strong. Mature femininity is displayed in a woman’s ability to protect, set safe boundaries, stand up for and stand up to her children. A feminine lady knows her God-given worth and doesn’t need to prove herself. Because of this, she is able to gratefully accept help when she needs it – because we all need help sometimes – but she is wise enough not to fall into a victim mentality of waiting for a prince to save her.

Femininity & Feminism

The Feminist Movement has done many great things in addressing the historical undervaluing of women. We owe where we are today and the opportunities available to the women who came before us. However, like any movement, it’s not without its flaws. Much of the time Feminism has raised women’s value by encouraging them to become more masculine. It’s great that we now have more agency in our own lives. We have the freedom to follow our callings wherever they may lead. The problem is that traditionally masculine paths are still valued over traditionally feminine paths. The Feminist Movement has neglected to notice that, by promoting masculine behaviours in women, they are in fact upholding a patriarchal dismissal of the feminine.

Thriving in Femininity

Femininity is equally as valuable as masculinity. Both are essential for a healthy, balanced, supportive society. Some feminists have begun to recognise this, but there still needs to be a shift away from this ingrained undervaluing of femininity. Women don’t have to act like men to have worth. We all have our individual gifts and different strengths that mean we express our femininity through the lens of our own personality. Growing towards femininity does not make us all identical. Rather, it allows us each to thrive and bloom into the wonderful image of who God created us to be.

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